Live Through This

First off, sorry for the lack of post on Tuesday. Could think of nothing to write about they few times I had the motivation.

Yesterday, was probably the worst day of my life.

I'm not saying that to be dramatic or because my phone crapped out and then i got into a fender bender and then found out I bombed a test.

I'm pretty sure it was the worst day I've ever lived through. Never before have I had to continuously remind myself there were reasons to live the way I did yesterday.

NOT that I was planning on killing myself, but I had to keep saying, "Well you've got X or Y." But, it seriously went on like that until a couple hours before I went back to bed.

Luckily a friend offered a few kind words and it knocked me out of it.

It was just a scary and miserable day. Trust me, you never want to be in a position where you have to tell yourself that living is better than dying outside of a philosophical discussion. Meaning it seriously.

I'm not suicidal. I just want to say that. Like most everything, I've reasoned out why that's such a stupid idea. But, I think most people think they would rather be dead than alive at some point. Yesterday was just a rather intense example of that for me.

But I lived through it. I'm still here and that's a big something, to not see any reason to live, at times, but keep on.

Yesterday was my rock bottom, I think. And I don't want to be there again. At one point, a friend showed me a video of these cyborg wheel chair things, that I knew was funny. I was laughing. But laughing made me cry.

I can't go back there. I hope that was my rock bottom, because from there I can only go up.

If I can live through the worst day in my life, I can live through anything.

I am still here.