Too Far, Too Fast

Basically zero productivity this week.

Basically 100% depression this week.

I didn't think my progress would be pretty much completely eliminated so quickly. I can't think of why either. I didn't do anything Thursday through Sunday because my little brother was in town and we all went to the beach.

But when I got home I couldn't get back into the swing of things. I wake up with plans for everything I want to get done and I just can't do ANY of it.

Essentially the only thing I've done this week is my blog posts. Other than that I've just watched TV and browsed the internet. I guess playing poker is something productive, but I haven't played very intelligently when I have played.

I think one reason is that my mom's been out of town this week. She's largely been my only outside support system and were she here I know I would have gotten back on track already.

I had started to think it was going to be easy and now I can see I was wrong.

I'm going to write this off as a humbling week. I need to be acutely aware of how easy it's going to be for me to fall off the horse and must always be on my guard against that.

I can't be afraid of getting back on the horse for fear of falling off again.


But, so this isn't a completely negative post and because I need to remember how important it is to have a positive attitude, here are good things I've decided this week:

Going to learn guitar. I've attempted maybe a half dozen times but never stuck with it. But, I've got a lot of time to kill here and I'm going to start using it for fun things that are productive.

Reading is another one of those things. I've gotten so far away from reading, it's kind of sad. I need to flex my mind more and it will help with my creative writing (in whatever form that may take) as well.

I don't love that it's come to this, but I'm going to schedule times to do this stuff. Until it becomes habit and enjoyable, it'll be too easy to quit. So, I'm going to schedule an hour each day to read and practice guitar. I'm probably going to do the same for working on the site and whatever else.

I may think it's lame that I have to do this now, but it'll help a lot long term and after probably a month I shouldn't be dependent on a schedule anymore.



I know I'll make it out alive though. I can't let go of the feeling that something big is just around the corner.